My limbs are falling apart
And everyone is telling me
To keep it together
And I am apologizing
Profusely
Gritting my teeth in pain
While desperately trying
To sew myself back
Together
Month: October 2014
I am as empty as the moon
Tonight
I am the color of the moon
I am the sky’s most mournful blue
Painting hopes like stars
In my brand new heart
I am learning how sharp
they really are
How they’re light
Sets me on fire
I am relearning how to set standards
As low as my eyes
When I tell you the transplant
Has failed
Hands
I am looking at my hands
Watching my pale skin
Telling you how hands
can never hide age
Hoping you won’t notice
The hairs of my knuckle’s backs
You are looking at my hands
Memorizing the lines of me
Asking about my old ring
Touching the forgotten sides
like it is the softest
you have ever felt
Bed
There are pieces of me
In this bed
Fragments of skin
And dried tears
Torn scabs and
Abandoned hair
Rubbed clean from my head
And on me
There are pieces of bed
Sheet lines and
Time dents
Bruised shoulders and
Stiff limbs
I have garnered with weight
I am trying my best
To leave you be
But old habits die hard
Or never at all
Day 3,547
I can feel an imminent ending
Like I have been rising
All this time
And my peak is coming up soon
And all of those other teetering moments
When I felt scared heart-leaps
In my quivering chest
We’re just small hills
Compared to what is inevitably
Coming
I wrote a poem for you
I wrote a poem for you
That was really for me
But more stood for you
And for grieving
I wrote letters and words
And turned them into sentences
Long and complex and heavy
I made vowels sound like
The way that you awoke
Made synonyms for the way that you Slid from my grasp
Like the leaden weight that you hold
I wrote a poem filled with capitols and hard T’s
Spitting spattering sounds
And R’s like growls
You weigh a thousand pounds
On my gentle tongue
And I relapsed into mum
I wrote a poem about the way that you lie
The way that you lay
On your back facing the sky
The way that your words float up into thin air
Disintegrating before I can test their weight
They are made of nothing
I wrote I’s that symbolize
The slender despair
And O’s like the bags of my eyes
I rounded up your sentences like cattle
Drained the meaning from your utterances
Tried to survive off of those simple substances
But alas, could not
Four Steps Back
I must admit that sometimes
I miss the warmth of letting go
The muscle relaxing flow of air
Cutting winds in half with my sail
I hate scraping my knees
But the skin there is tougher
The pain is muted by my layers
Sometimes i even miss
Opening up my skin
It is not a good feeling
But a numbing pain
The relief of singeing a wound closed
Even worse
Is the anticipation of a new one
I Am New
Your hands may be tougher
But your skin will never be as thick
I am callous
I am made up of tiny fissures in my bones
Micro cracks and hairline fractures
That will heal
Become stronger
I am in between blows
My skin is plump with resilience
My skin torn but healing
I have broken enough times to know
That I am strong
Cat Eyes and Lippy 