Words Like Coffee

I was born in your hands
Grew up in the warmth of your mouth
You taught me words like coffee
And love, and more
You always leave me wanting more
Always keeping me on tip toes
When I speak of the past you close my lips with yours
And your hands snake
Around my hips
You catch my
slip of the tongue
Flick it away with one hand
You taught me how to sleep at night
I no longer wear sad on my skin
Like sweaters in the cold
I wear you in the middle of June
Like warmth is required
I still shed tears at times
But you catch them on your chest
Rather than my pillow case
Love is a word I have said wrong a hundred times

Now I can finally taste the meaning

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The Little Mermaid if She were a Hoarder

I love possessions

I hoard them up

Like they are going somewhere

Bits and bobbles

Burettes and lipsticks

Dance around my head

I like clothing the best

I wrap scarves around me

Like nooses

Carry umbrellas

Like bayonets

My belts are always too tight

And my bras leave scars

At the crest of my armpits

I am afraid of water

But I bury myself up

In blue blue jeans

In thick scratchy sweaters

In soft weather clothes

My room is full to the brim

And I am drowning,

Drowning,

Drowning

Deep down near the carpet

Cluttered all the way up

Screaming help me

to no avail

Asleep

I wake up too often

In puddles

Of my own sweat

In half conciousness

Still tangled in dreamworlds

Did you know that

the more you move when woken

The faster your dreams disappear?

Sometimes I wake up

In a flurry

I whip my arms and legs up

Spin my head in a frenzy

Sometimes I lay still

for minutes on end

Bunch my lids up tight

Breathing shallow

Sleepy breaths

Not moving a single

Inch

2 AM

I would draw out the night 

If I could 

Stretch it like shrink wrap

Over a left over dish 

If I had the capacity to

I am flimsy during day 

My voice quivers, 

Quakes like the jagged pencil line 

Of a five year old 

At night I am just as thin 

But my thoughts make full circles

In the dark 

They cacoon me 

And wrapped in them 

I feel clear

The night is nothing 

If not for heavy souls

And girls with too many thoughts 

Wrapped too tightly 

In heavy blankets 

Reasons 

You always want reasons 

That I can’t give to you 

Like the flick of a curl

On my head 

Or an upturned fingernail 

They just exist and

I don’t know why 


I want to tell you 

That it’s not your fault 

But I don’t know if that is

The truth 

Sometimes I don’t know 

Up from down 

I could be standing on 

Fingertips 

For all that I know 

And I can’t give you 

Answers 

I can’t find myself 


I would love to tick off 

On fingers and toes 

The ways in which 

I am wrong 

Trace my insanity out

Like the very real 

Curves of my scars 

Or the words burning 

Under my nail 


And you being so 

Concrete 

So matter of fact  

And right 

Does not help 

One bit 


I could blow away 

In a swift breeze

If it weren’t for your hand 

In mine 

The Emptiness 

I thought about the emptiness

Inside my stomach 

I thought about filling it

I thought about death 

About the silence of silence 

The apitome of sound mind 

I thought about the days with no motivation 

The sculking, the sulking 

Alone in my bed 

Face turned to the wall

So my sister wouldn’t see me cry 

I thought about sleeves 

About how they never cover anything all the time 

About naked wrists and giving up security

I thought about cold days 

About crawling in bed with a hopeful

sliver of sun on my face 

I thought about hot days 

When the masses of skin 

Required complete transparency 

I thought about the choke in my throat 

If I could count the times 

I had felt that fist of tears

I thought about train rides 

Waiting for trains 

Imaginary blood on the tracks 

And their faces 

The pain

I thought about mom and dad 

Siblings and friends 

And him 

What would he think 

Of what I had done 

What would they think

I love you, but 

I love you 

But I am always about me 

About the air in my lunges 

How little I have left 

I have creases in my boots 

from searching 

for a boy with understanding 

I have found you 

Breathing air into my lunges 

I love you 

But I am always about me 

About trying to fall in love 

with a girl who is still broken 

A girl still falling apart

No matter how I’d love to focus 

On only you 

I am stuck with this needy self